Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

 

If you are a child of the 80’s you will remember the Pantene commercial featuring the beautiful model with her mega hair and the tag line “Don’t hate me because I am beautiful.”

I haven’t blogged much recently.  I have been leery of people feeling as if they could not relate to me any longer, of people feeling that I have nothing in common with them any longer and of people feeling like I did when I saw that commercial;  “What a hypocrite”

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying the sleep, the time with my husband, the ability to run to the grocery store on a moment’s notice, having control of what television shows I watch and many other simple pleasures. It sounds awesome doesn’t it?  BUT The evolution from full-time parent and caregiver to “empty nester” is not as glamorous as it may seem.  It is a path wrought with doubt, worry, and a lot of time for introspective thoughts.

  • That whole saying about “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”  is pretty accurate.  Although my life as a mom and caregiver was exhausting,  I miss having my kids here.  When they are not feeling well or are sad I want them curled up in my bed watching TV while I bring them chicken soup and ginger ale.  I miss seeing my girl on the couch watching episodes of The Food Network and the look on my boy’s face when something tickles his fancy.  I thought I couldn’t wait for peace and quiet now I long for the sound of a full house.
  • I made a lot of excuses….”I don’t have time to exercise,”  “I don’t have time to cook,”  “I don’t have time to dedicate to my relationships.”   So far I have all the time in the world and I still don’t always make those (and other items) a priority.
  • I put off happiness.  “When I lose weight I will be happy,”  “When I have enough money I will be happy,” “When I have more time I will be happy.”  Another quote rings true “If you are not happy in the here and now, you never will be”
  • I blamed Autism and Ring 22 syndrome for a lot of things….they can no longer be my scapegoat.  #noexcuses
  • Being an empty nester can be lonely.  Having a husband who travels frequently equals a lot of alone time.  I am still learning to be Ok just being by myself.
  • Reinventing yourself is not easy.  After children I was like jello poured into a mold. Now that my role has been redefined, I don’t want to just sit “wiggling on the plate”

I am not complaining nor do I have regrets, I  just wanted you to know why I have been quiet in regards to writing.  I am a work in progress, I am on a path of discovery.  What direction do I head into as a mother, wife, friend, individual and writer?  What does life have in store for me?

 

 

 

 

 

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